The Faces of Love
Love – Vast, Complex territory of human behaviour, spanning range of relationships which include friendship, romantic love, affectionate love, sometimes altruism.. All include Intimacy
Intimacy – Self disclosure and sharing of private thoughts
- Erik Erikson – In Early Adulthood, once individuals established stable/cohesive identities, enter 6th developmental stage: Intimacy vs. Isolation
→ Finding oneself, losing oneself in another person, requires commitment to another person
→ If young adults form healthy friendships & intimate relationship with another individual, Intimacy is achieved... If not, Isolation results
- Individuals personality harmed by lack of meaningful relationships with other people
- Bingham & Stryker argue that crisis of Early Adulthood is Autonomy (taking care of oneself emotionally & financially), not Intimacy
→ Women in Early Adulthood (17 – 25) must resolve conflict of self – sufficinency, both emotionally & financially, and then find satisfaction & contentment in work and love throughout adulthood
- Relationship can only be as strong as its weakest link
→ Relationships formed on Equality will be stronger than those where one partner is deemed stronger or more powerful than the other
→ Relationships of Inequality undermine the strengths and potential of both partners
Intimacy & Independence
- Early Adulthood involved balancing Intimacy & Commitment on One hand, and Independence & Freedom on the Other hand
- Early Adults try to establish identity, independence from Parents, developing Intimate Relationship with another individual, increasing their friendship commitments
- Think for themselves & do things without always relying on what others say or do
- Young adults development of Autonomy has important implications:
→ Those who haven't sufficiently moved away from parental ties may face difficulty in both interpersonal relationships and career development
→ Lower ability to think for oneself and do things without reliance on others
→ Opportunities arise with more responsibility & more stress, one may turn it town, When things don't go well in One's relationship, one may respond in childish ways
Development of Intimate Relationships – From Infatuation to Love
- Goal is to develop mature identity & have positive close relationships with others
- 3 levels of relationship maturity: Self-Focused, Role-Focused, Individuated-Connected
Self-Focused Level: first level of relationship maturity, One's perspective on another person/relationship is concerned with only how it affects Oneself
- Intimate communication skills are in early development
Role-Focused Level: Second level of relationship Maturity, One begins to perceive others as individuals in their own right
- perspective is stereotypical and emphasizes social acceptability
- Knowledge that communication is important is Present, but underlying the talk is shallow understanding of commitment
Individuated-Connected Level: Highest level of relationship maturity, when one begins to understand oneself, as well as to have consideration for others' motivations and to anticipate their needs, Concern & caring involve emotional support & individualized expressions of interest
- Commitment is strong, understand personal time & investment needed to make relationship work
- Level occurs mostly in Adulthood, Early Adults in Self-Focused & Role-focused levels
Romantic Love – Strong Components of Sexuality & Infatuation, Predominates Early Part of Love relationship
- Fiery Passion of romantic love, searing pain when it fails
- When we are “in love” with somebody, its referring to Romantic Love
- Sexual desire is most important ingredient of romantic love
- Romantic Love is main reason we get married
- Early Adults (college/University students) prioritize romantic love
Affectionate Love – Type of love that occurs when individuals desire to have the other person near and have a deep, caring affection for the person
- Early stages of love are more romantic but as love matures, passion gives way to affection
- Romantic love is a time fueled by sexual attraction & gratification, reduced sense of loneliness, uncertainty about security of developing another attachment, excitement from exploring novelty of another human being
→ Over time, sexual attraction wanes, attachment anxieties lessen or produce conflict & withdrawal, novelty replaced with familiarity, lovers find themselves securely attached in deeply caring relationship or distressed (bored, disapointed, lonely, hostile)
→ After passionate stage of unpredictability & urgency of sexual attraction, deficiences in each others caring are found and dealt with
Love – Vast, Complex territory of human behaviour, spanning range of relationships which include friendship, romantic love, affectionate love, sometimes altruism.. All include Intimacy
Intimacy – Self disclosure and sharing of private thoughts
- Erik Erikson – In Early Adulthood, once individuals established stable/cohesive identities, enter 6th developmental stage: Intimacy vs. Isolation
→ Finding oneself, losing oneself in another person, requires commitment to another person
→ If young adults form healthy friendships & intimate relationship with another individual, Intimacy is achieved... If not, Isolation results
- Individuals personality harmed by lack of meaningful relationships with other people
- Bingham & Stryker argue that crisis of Early Adulthood is Autonomy (taking care of oneself emotionally & financially), not Intimacy
→ Women in Early Adulthood (17 – 25) must resolve conflict of self – sufficinency, both emotionally & financially, and then find satisfaction & contentment in work and love throughout adulthood
- Relationship can only be as strong as its weakest link
→ Relationships formed on Equality will be stronger than those where one partner is deemed stronger or more powerful than the other
→ Relationships of Inequality undermine the strengths and potential of both partners
Intimacy & Independence
- Early Adulthood involved balancing Intimacy & Commitment on One hand, and Independence & Freedom on the Other hand
- Early Adults try to establish identity, independence from Parents, developing Intimate Relationship with another individual, increasing their friendship commitments
- Think for themselves & do things without always relying on what others say or do
- Young adults development of Autonomy has important implications:
→ Those who haven't sufficiently moved away from parental ties may face difficulty in both interpersonal relationships and career development
→ Lower ability to think for oneself and do things without reliance on others
→ Opportunities arise with more responsibility & more stress, one may turn it town, When things don't go well in One's relationship, one may respond in childish ways
Development of Intimate Relationships – From Infatuation to Love
- Goal is to develop mature identity & have positive close relationships with others
- 3 levels of relationship maturity: Self-Focused, Role-Focused, Individuated-Connected
Self-Focused Level: first level of relationship maturity, One's perspective on another person/relationship is concerned with only how it affects Oneself
- Intimate communication skills are in early development
Role-Focused Level: Second level of relationship Maturity, One begins to perceive others as individuals in their own right
- perspective is stereotypical and emphasizes social acceptability
- Knowledge that communication is important is Present, but underlying the talk is shallow understanding of commitment
Individuated-Connected Level: Highest level of relationship maturity, when one begins to understand oneself, as well as to have consideration for others' motivations and to anticipate their needs, Concern & caring involve emotional support & individualized expressions of interest
- Commitment is strong, understand personal time & investment needed to make relationship work
- Level occurs mostly in Adulthood, Early Adults in Self-Focused & Role-focused levels
Romantic Love – Strong Components of Sexuality & Infatuation, Predominates Early Part of Love relationship
- Fiery Passion of romantic love, searing pain when it fails
- When we are “in love” with somebody, its referring to Romantic Love
- Sexual desire is most important ingredient of romantic love
- Romantic Love is main reason we get married
- Early Adults (college/University students) prioritize romantic love
Affectionate Love – Type of love that occurs when individuals desire to have the other person near and have a deep, caring affection for the person
- Early stages of love are more romantic but as love matures, passion gives way to affection
- Romantic love is a time fueled by sexual attraction & gratification, reduced sense of loneliness, uncertainty about security of developing another attachment, excitement from exploring novelty of another human being
→ Over time, sexual attraction wanes, attachment anxieties lessen or produce conflict & withdrawal, novelty replaced with familiarity, lovers find themselves securely attached in deeply caring relationship or distressed (bored, disapointed, lonely, hostile)
→ After passionate stage of unpredictability & urgency of sexual attraction, deficiences in each others caring are found and dealt with
Consummate Love – Triangular theory of Love, Passion + Intimacy + Commitment, couples must
experience all 3 to have Consummate Love
- Passion: Physical/Sexual Attraction, Intimacy: Emotional feelings of warmth, closeness, Commitment: Cognitive appraisal of relationship, intention to maintain relationship throughout problems
- Consummate Love is strongest form of love, involved all 3 at once
→ If only Passion; low intimacy & commitment = Infatuation
→ Intimacy & Commitment; lacking Passion is called Affectionate Love
→ Passion & Commitment; Lacking Intimacy, then Fatuous love occurs, a form of worship
Falling Out of Love
- Happiness & Personal Development may benefit from getting over being in love & ending a close relationship
- Relationships can evolve in a way that creates dominant & submissive roles, unhealthy
- Breakup of a Romantic relationship can cause personal growth, such as: Feeling stronger and more self-confident, more independent, better off emotionally, gaining relational wisdom, better friendships
experience all 3 to have Consummate Love
- Passion: Physical/Sexual Attraction, Intimacy: Emotional feelings of warmth, closeness, Commitment: Cognitive appraisal of relationship, intention to maintain relationship throughout problems
- Consummate Love is strongest form of love, involved all 3 at once
→ If only Passion; low intimacy & commitment = Infatuation
→ Intimacy & Commitment; lacking Passion is called Affectionate Love
→ Passion & Commitment; Lacking Intimacy, then Fatuous love occurs, a form of worship
Falling Out of Love
- Happiness & Personal Development may benefit from getting over being in love & ending a close relationship
- Relationships can evolve in a way that creates dominant & submissive roles, unhealthy
- Breakup of a Romantic relationship can cause personal growth, such as: Feeling stronger and more self-confident, more independent, better off emotionally, gaining relational wisdom, better friendships